Welcome back to Pathetic Programming, the only blog series where we celebrate the glorious art of writing Python code that’s equal parts creative, chaotic, and completely unnecessary. This isn’t your average Python tutorial. No, this is where we write Python scripts that do everything from translating sentences into Emoji Shakespeare to simulating a toaster in the terminal. Because if programming isn’t at least a little bit stupid, what’s even the point?
In today’s edition, we tackle one of the deepest, most philosophical questions of our time: Are you even a real Python programmer? And since this is Pathetic Programming, we’re not going to answer that with a resume, a portfolio, or a LeetCode score. No, we’re going to write a sarcastic quiz in Python that evaluates your developer credentials based on highly questionable criteria and even more questionable logic.
Because sometimes, the best way to have fun with Python is to stop pretending it needs to be serious.
Table of Contents
The Myth of the Real Programmer
A real programmer, according to various gatekeepers on forums with names like “_HackThisPlanet_99,” is someone who:
- Can write an OS in binary using only their left hand.
- Doesn’t use Stack Overflow. (And definitely doesn’t cry into it.)
- Drinks only black coffee or tears.
- Thinks writing clean code is a form of weakness.
In short, no one is a real programmer—except the guy in your team who insists on using Vim inside a terminal that looks like it’s from 1996. But let’s pretend for a moment that real programmers do exist and that there’s a way to measure that status. Hence, this quiz.
The Quiz: Brutally Honest Edition
This Python quiz will help you determine if you’re real or if you’ve just been faking it with Google and good lighting on Zoom calls. And yes, you could just write a boring list of questions in a form—but where’s the fun in that? This is Pathetic Programming, and we’re going to build this quiz in Python because we can. And because we have nothing better to do on a Tuesday night.
import random
questions = [
("Have you ever used print debugging instead of an actual debugger?", True),
("Do you Google 'python list comprehension' at least once a week?", True),
("Have you ever pushed to main by accident?", True),
("Do you know what a monad is? (And don’t lie)", False),
("Have you ever written a TODO and never returned to it?", True),
("Have you broken production and pretended nothing happened?", True),
("Can you center a div without looking it up?", False),
("Do you drink more coffee than water?", True),
("Have you rage-quit a codebase?", True),
("Have you ever coded at 3 AM and regretted everything by 9 AM?", True),
("Do you feel physical pain when looking at your old Python code?", True),
("Do you use print statements to debug inside a lambda?", True),
("Have you ever named a variable 'temp', 'stuff', or just 'x'?", True),
("Did you once build an entire feature in a Jupyter Notebook?", True),
("Do you pretend to understand decorators but secretly avoid them?", True),
("Have you used ChatGPT to explain your own code back to you?", True),
("Do you install packages you don't really need just because pip didn't complain?", True),
("Have you ever used 'from module import *' and called it 'quick prototyping'?", True),
("Do you have Python files named test1.py, test2.py, final_final.py?", True),
("Do you get confused between '==' and '=' at least once a month?", True),
("Have you copy-pasted code from Stack Overflow without reading the comments?", True),
("Do you ignore warnings and treat them as friendly suggestions?", True),
("Have you ever written 'if True:' just to bypass logic?", True),
("Do you still forget to activate your virtual environment half the time?", True),
("Have you added a comment like 'I don't know why this works'?", True),
("Do you pretend you understand regular expressions in Python?", True),
("Have you used a list where a dictionary made more sense because it was easier?", True),
("Have you rage-uninstalled and reinstalled Python for no reason?", True),
("Do you sometimes run scripts just to see if errors magically disappear?", True),
("Have you turned off linters because they were too judgy?", True),
("Have you given up and just used global variables?", True),
("Do you forget what your own functions do after two days?", True),
("Have you shipped code with debug logs still in it?", True),
("Do you let VSCode autocomplete do all the thinking?", True),
("Have you ever deleted your .pyc files out of pure frustration?", True),
("Have you cloned a GitHub repo just to run one script and never touched it again?", True),
("Do you feel like a hacker when you use 'with open' in Python?", True),
("Have you ever used pass just to shut Python up?", True),
("Do you write Python code in Notepad++ when you're feeling nostalgic?", True),
("Have you said 'screw it' and used a brute-force approach?", True),
("Do you still have no idea how Python's garbage collector works?", True),
("Have you tried to make a GUI in Tkinter and gave up immediately?", True),
("Have you made a Python game and abandoned it before collision detection?", True),
("Have you used Python to automate something pointless, like opening your fridge app?", True),
("Have you written Python code on your phone just to feel productive?", True),
("Have you manually formatted a JSON string because you didn't know about json.dumps?", True),
("Do you think 'pythonic' just means 'it runs'?", True),
("Have you ever used Python to troll a coworker?", True),
("Do you think pip freeze is a lifestyle?", True),
("Have you written code while being actively angry?", True),
("Have you submitted Python code with print('hello world') as a placeholder... and forgot to remove it?", True)
]
selected_questions = random.sample(questions, 6)
score = 0
for q, correct in selected_questions:
ans = input(f"{q} (yes/no): ").strip().lower()
if (ans == "yes" and correct) or (ans == "no" and not correct):
score += 1
percent = (score / len(selected_questions)) * 100
print(f"\nYour Real Programmer Score: {percent:.2f}%")
if percent == 100:
print("You're a code wizard. Or a liar.")
elif percent >= 70:
print("You're real enough. We trust you with semi-important bugs.")
elif percent >= 40:
print("You're basically Stack Overflow with anxiety.")
else:
print("Welcome, junior. We've all been there. Get some coffee.")See? A whole introspective breakdown of your developer identity, coded in under 50 lines. Beautiful. Useless. Perfect.
And hey—if you enjoyed this Python-powered existential crisis, consider following me on Instagram: @machinelearningsite. I post more of this nonsense there, plus occasional memes and also useful code snippets and topics. Think of it as emotional support for your debugging sessions but also informational enough to make you familiar with the topic. So back to the blog!
Breakdown of the Code
Let’s break this down like your production code on Friday afternoon. Here’s the anatomy of this glorious Python mess:
The Interrogation Vault (aka the Question Pool)
We start by writing a list of 50 absurdly judgmental questions about your developer behavior. Each one is paired with a boolean that says whether answering “yes” means you deserve Real Programmer™ credit—or public shaming.
Random Chaos Generator
Because repetition is boring and predictable (like every Agile meeting), we use random.sample() to select just 6 questions from the full 50. This way, every quiz run feels like a new low point in your dev career.
Answer Collection & Score Keeping
For each of the 6 questions, we collect your answer—yes or no—and compare it to the expected “correct” dysfunction. If your answer aligns with the predetermined level of programming chaos, you get a point. We do this six times, because any more and you’d start rage-quitting.
Score Conversion: The Percent-o-Meter
We calculate your score as a percentage because numbers are scary and percentages feel more judgmental. This is your “Real Programmer Score.” It means absolutely nothing and yet hurts deeply.
Final Judgment
Based on your score, we assign you a title. Maybe you’re a “code wizard.” Maybe you’re “basically Stack Overflow with anxiety.” Or maybe—just maybe—you’re that one junior dev who still believes in meaningful comments and dreams.
So What Does Your Score Mean?
This quiz offers absolutely no meaningful insight into your skills, your value as a developer, or your ability to write performant code. But it does offer something else: solidarity.
Solidarity in the shared suffering of semicolon-less syntax errors. Solidarity in pushing directly to main because you were tired. Solidarity in knowing that every programmer, no matter how seasoned, has Googled the same thing 17 times in a single day.
More importantly, this is about finding joy in the absurdity. This quiz doesn’t belong in a career guidebook—it belongs in a Slack channel full of tired engineers who are two commits away from a meltdown. And writing it? That’s the fun part.
Because Pathetic Programming isn’t about solving problems. It’s about inventing them.
Final Thoughts: Certification of Realness
You don’t need a certificate to prove you’re a real programmer. But if you did, it would probably look something like this:
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
| Certified Real Coder |
| Slightly Used Brain |
| Stack Overflow Addict |
| Debugs with Fear |
| Has 47 open tabs now |
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - So the next time someone questions your developer identity, point them to this quiz. Or better yet, just start talking about monads until they go away. And remember: if it works and nobody died, it’s production-ready.
Summary: So, Are You a Real Python Programmer?
Well, if you’ve made it this far and survived the “Are You Even a Real Python Programmer?” quiz, you’ve probably learned two things: 1) Your programming habits are questionable at best, and 2) Python can be used to roast your developer soul in the most entertaining way possible.
And hey, if you want more sarcastic Python fun, memes, and occasional existential crisis posts, follow me on Instagram: @machinelearningsite. It’s like therapy, but cheaper.
Now, it’s your turn to get creative. Write your own ridiculous questions, build your own dysfunctional quiz, and Dockerize it—because who doesn’t want to ship chaos in a neat little container? Need help with Docker? I’ve got your back.
What’s Next: Weaponize Your Own Dysfunction
You’ve humiliated yourself with my questions—now it’s your turn to write your own. Go wild. Make a custom quiz for your team, your friends, or that one guy who keeps saying “Python is slow.” Add your own twisted logic, bake it into the script, and then—here’s the fun part—TURN IT INTO A DOCKER APP!
Yes, you heard me. Containerize your cringe. Wrap it in Docker so you can ship it to your coworkers like it’s a hot new SaaS product instead of a Python-based roast machine. You’ll be surprised how quickly your Slack goes quiet.
Not sure what Docker is or how to make an app with it? Don’t panic. Just hop over to my blog post on Docker where I explain what it is, why you should care, and how to Dockerize even the most ridiculous Python scripts. You’re welcome. And hey, do not forget to include me in your fun. Share the image of your code or the results on Instagram and tag me @machinelearningsite.
Stay pathetic, stay creative, and most importantly—keep making ridiculous things just because you can.
Your Fellow Imposter.